I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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