the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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