had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
