remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize