The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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