Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
