I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can't turn off my feet"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
