i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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