Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
as a side note pls kill me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
