I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
