I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
