Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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