your parents love me but you hate me
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
