man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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