we're chasing vodka with high fives
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
