wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize