I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Non-Jews are for practice
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
