I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
