I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize