I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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