put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
