when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize