i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
