Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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