I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
