By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
