i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
