Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
