Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
