why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
