at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
