Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
