I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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