Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
