sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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