btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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