3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
