did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
