tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
