Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
time to smoke my breakfast
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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