I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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