oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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