I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
