Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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