if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
