I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
