WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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