i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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