Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
