shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
