I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
