Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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