i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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