I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
