True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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