I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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