the condom got lost in my hair
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
