As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
