I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
