I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
