People with herpes should wear stickers.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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