Whod you bang
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
