I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
