that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
