Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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