there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
