I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
